a letter from a wounded heart

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Sat Oct 23, 2010 1:54 am

When I said “I do” I meant it, standing in front of friends, family and God himself. This week after 11 or so years Michelle and Tobey called it quits. Our real names. She said in the past 3 to 5 years I’ve changed. I should’ve paid better attention. My best defense is I’ve have Multiple Scelorsis for maybe as much as ten years. Of course I’ve changed, I have an incurable disease eating my brain and nerve system. You’re pretty you’ll find someone else, I’m crippled and completely out of my mind at times. My chances are slim at finding someone else. On top of all this I’m not going to wallow in self pity. I think I might concentrate on building my three wheeler now. If I kill myself on it at least I died doing something I enjoyed. I won’t kill myself with some shotgun, I ain’t going otut like a bitch. If the good die young my badass will life forever. I wish you all the best, I really do. We had some really great times and some bad ones but that is life.

The thing is I wasn’t going to put up with staying out to all hours of the night and never inviting me. Nope, no way, that’s not going to happen. That is why I told you to get the f**k out. When I fall now, I’ll just have to figure a way up or just sleep on the floor. One way or another we’ll make it through this, I just want you tto remember this, I will go to my grave loving you and Jay.

Tobey

blebs · Post by **blebs** » Sat Oct 23, 2010 8:11 am

Woe, sorry to hear this dude. Actually this blows my mind probably as much as it does yours.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Sat Oct 23, 2010 8:26 am

I’ll figure out something. It’s a scary thought being cripple and alone. Luckily I don’t live too far from my parents house and they are helping when they can. I miss my son a lot.

Paft · Post by **Paft** » Sat Oct 23, 2010 10:40 am

Oh, no. Oh... HELL no.

I'm sorry, man. Is there anyone around who can help along with your parents?

CableDude · Post by **CableDude** » Sat Oct 23, 2010 2:45 pm

Mark · Post by **Mark** » Sat Oct 23, 2010 2:51 pm

damm, sorry to hear the bad news, keep your chin up bud

Dan · Post by **Dan** » Sat Oct 23, 2010 3:28 pm

I have been through a similar thing,thanks goodness I am healthy,but I survived a 20 year marriage coming to an end,I know now it was the best thing .

RoundEye wrote:One way or another we’ll make it through this,

Tobey

you said the key thing to remember

Lefty · Post by **Lefty** » Sat Oct 23, 2010 5:01 pm

Ouch, sorry Tobey, time will be your new best friend.

blebs · Post by **blebs** » Sat Oct 23, 2010 6:51 pm

Stupid question, but is there any way to work things out or is it a definate done deal? I feel like an ass for asking, but man, we all change over time whether were sick or not.

Roody · Post by **Roody** » Sat Oct 23, 2010 8:05 pm

Man, I am very sorry to hear this man.

Post by **YeOldeStonecat** » Sat Oct 23, 2010 8:28 pm

I'm at such a loss of words.

Humboldt · Post by **Humboldt** » Sat Oct 23, 2010 10:07 pm

Sorry to hear that RoundEye...hopefully it's for the best and will be a step forward for you.

Shinobi · Post by **Shinobi** » Sat Oct 23, 2010 10:38 pm

YeOldeStonecat wrote:I'm at such a loss of words.

I 2nd that.. I am very sorry to hear this.. your parents are down the road you were saying.. they live close so they can help you out?

triniwasp · Post by **triniwasp** » Sun Oct 24, 2010 10:33 am

Tobey, what can I say. I am very sorry to hear that. Pushing positive vibes your way bro.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Sun Oct 24, 2010 3:56 pm

Paft wrote:Oh, no. Oh... HELL no.

I'm sorry, man. Is there anyone around who can help along with your parents?

One of my cousins is going to stay in the back house while my parents take their cruise. Other then him not many.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Sun Oct 24, 2010 3:56 pm

CableDude wrote:

Yep

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Sun Oct 24, 2010 5:06 pm

Mark wrote:damm, sorry to hear the bad news, keep your chin up bud

If my chin was any higher you could count my nose hairs.

Even though I’m kidding it’s hard for me to keep my chin up. This MS has caused me some mental instability. All your problems seem to magnify. As sick as I am I still have the potential to go ass-stomping, bat sh~t crazy at times. 99.9% of the time I’m fine but lord help whoever pisses me off and it takes a lot to rattle me.

Honestly maybe this is what I need. A swift kick to the nuts. After I finish writhing in pain on the ground, all hell is going to break lose. Watch.

I’ve lived with a Redhead, Raven Hair, a Blond and married a Brunett. I’ve tasted life and a good taste it is. That is life, you have your wonderful highs and your misreble lows. I might be on my way back up.

I know one of the things my ex fell in love with is I’m freaking unstopable. All my grandparents are dead, I’ve had five major orthopedic surguries, 18 pieces of titainum put in me, 10 taken out, a bone graft in my neck and now MS that I can’t get rid of. I hit a pick-up truck head-on, on a motorbike as a passenger. I got off a bike in excess of 150mph street racing, I found out there’s a warrant for my arrest in the city, man what’s next?
I don’t know, but make sure your nuts are locked on tight, I’m libal to knock them off.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 12:30 am

Dan wrote:I have been through a similar thing,thanks goodness I am healthy,but I survived a 20 year marriage coming to an end,I know now it was the best thing .

As far as I know, you’re the only one on this forum that truly knows how I feel. Brother, one way or another we WILL make it. I speak from the heart, mind and soul.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 12:54 am

blebs wrote:Stupid question, but is there any way to work things out or is it a definate done deal? I feel like an ass for asking, but man, we all change over time whether were sick or not.

No way, no how. We’re two people cut from the same cloth. Too stuborn to change our ways now.

It takes a tough woman to hang with me and I think I broke her.

Oh well, maybe the next dude will give her what she needs. All I can say to him is “good luck”. You don’t have a clue what you are in far.

Thank you everybody else for your support. I am defintenly going through a hard time. In my motorized wheel chair I crossed River Road and went to the top of the levee for the first time in years. Did that ever freak my mom out, I thought she was going to sh*t a whole litter of kittens. Was she ever mad.

Sun was shining, breeze was blowing and all I was trying to do was sort my thoughts. The last thing I ever claimed to be is normal.

blebs · Post by **blebs** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:20 am

Well a man has to do what a man has to do. Just hate to see it happen. Sounds more like the 11 year itch. I know I'm going through crap with my wifes family and it seems to be taking a toll on our 30 years together, but she needs to figure out whether she's going to let them rule her life or stand up for herself. Somehow, I get put in the middle and get blamed for a lot of crap.

David · Post by **David** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 7:54 am

So much for "in sickness and in health". Yes, we all change. Routine brings comfort and obliviousness.

Opportunity favors the bold, Tobey. You will heal, as long as you do not look back.

be well,
david

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:30 am

blebs wrote:Well a man has to do what a man has to do. Just hate to see it happen. Sounds more like the 11 year itch. I know I'm going through crap with my wifes family and it seems to be taking a toll on our 30 years together, but she needs to figure out whether she's going to let them rule her life or stand up for herself. Somehow, I get put in the middle and get blamed for a lot of crap.

It’s tearing me apart, believe me.The thing is if she was that unhappy she had to go. I’m not Super Mental Man, it hurts, but I’m no fool either, as I said before “get the f**k out”. She kept throwing something I always said in my face “if it sucks, change it”. Well I made that change happen. The thing that has hurt a lot of people is they underestimate my Opie Taylor looking ass. I’m not going to kid anybody or myself, I won’t be jumping in the Octagon any time soon and beating anybody down but you can bet with what I have survived in life, I am one badass mofo. I have to remind myself that everday. I can’t walk, I can’t run and I live in pain. Only Evel Knievel has broken more bones than I have. I can show you scars on my ankle, leg, hip, and neck. I try to be compassionate to deserving people, some people don’t deserve any compassion what so ever.. I know I’m being cocky right now, its self preservation. You are really the only one that counts in your life.

What I have learned through all this, is somewhere part of me got lost. I just want something I can never have, my health back. I want as much of me back as possible. I’m not going to B.S. anybody, my mental compass is going full blast. Sometimes I’m buimmed, sometimes I’m giddy with excitement its all over. What worries me most is my son, he asked me yesterday when he and mom can move back in. I said he can comeback anytime he wants, his mom never. I would say her and I are both at fault. But she found out the hard way “ don’t f**k with me”. That’s just the bastard in me, I don’t play mind games. Michelle I will love you till the day they plant my ass in the mud, but I been through too much. I learned a long time ago, I have to fight back anyway I’m capable.

Two big IF’s. If I can get my driver’s license back (it’s not suspened, I just haven’t renewed it since I’ve been sick) and if I can swing one of these I will be on top of the world again. My mom will flip but she’ll just have to get over it. I want to go out doing something I enjoy and I haven’t been able to screw myself to death yet, so bikes it is. Just cremate me and throw my ashes into the pit. I think all I’m striving for is to live and go out hard in life. I really want my hard back. Has anybody seen it? $50,000 reward for info leading to to me getting my hard back. I may get kicked in the nuts, and fall to the ground sputtering but I refuse to stay down long. I ain’t going out like that.

Thanks again everybody for letting me air my dirty laundry, I write way better than I talk. And thanks again Phil for making this thread a sticky for a short time.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:32 am

David wrote:So much for "in sickness and in health". Yes, we all change. Routine brings comfort and obliviousness.

Opportunity favors the bold, Tobey. You will heal, as long as you do not look back.

be well,
david

Thank You.

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:55 am

Sending hugs your way.

David · Post by **David** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:07 am

RoundEye wrote: You are really the only one that counts in your life.

If we were not so interconnected, that would be so. A wasp stings in the bayou and a shout is heard on the banks of the Raritan.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 10:01 am

Debbie wrote:Sending hugs your way.

I’m glad you’re sending me hugs but you can come and give them to me in person.

blebs · Post by **blebs** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 10:01 am

David wrote:If we were not so interconnected, that would be so. A wasp stings in the bayou and a shout is heard on the banks of the Raritan.

You never cease to amaze me with your sayings. I think I'm going to start a journal of them.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 10:08 am

David wrote:If we were not so interconnected, that would be so. A wasp stings in the bayou and a shout is heard on the banks of the Raritan.

I’m not certain how interconnected we are. I do know it’s not the wasp, it’s the alligators. If one of them bite you, they’ll hear your ass yell on Mars.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 10:11 am

blebs wrote:You never cease to amaze me with your sayings. I think I'm going to start a journal of them.

Cool, can I buy a copy?

blebs · Post by **blebs** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 10:12 am

RoundEye wrote:Cool, can I buy a copy?

Well if I start it today, we might both be gone before it's completed.

MissTynker2 · Post by **MissTynker2** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 1:20 pm

More sadness in your life....but there is not a question one....that you shall prevail over this as well. I am so sorry for the discomfort...change as you know is one of the most difficult things in life. Have you ever considered writing the story of your life? David could be a wonderful consultant! This certainly is not the ending of your book...just the ending of a chapter...time to begin a new one!

Wishing you speedy healing

Roody · Post by **Roody** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:04 pm

RoundEye wrote:I’m glad you’re sending me hugs but you can come and give them to me in person.

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:58 pm

RoundEye wrote:I’m glad you’re sending me hugs but you can come and give them to me in person.

That could be arranged!

Roody · Post by **Roody** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 3:15 pm

Debbie wrote:That could be arranged!

Whoa. We have our first SG romance going on.

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 4:20 pm

Roody wrote:Whoa. We have our first SG romance going on.

I have told Tobey in the past that I have always wanted to go to New Orleans. I have never been there. We have spoken about it on the phone.

blebs · Post by **blebs** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:02 pm

Debbie wrote:I have told Tobey in the past that I have always wanted to go to New Orleans. I have never been there. We have spoken about it on the phone.

Well had I not gotten sick and got my pilots license, I'd come pick you up and we'd both go down.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:38 pm

Roody wrote:Whoa. We have our first SG romance going on.

No, we have the start of a good friendship. Go home, passionently hug your wife, tell her you love her. I bet you learn what romance is then. I am a passionate hard ass to live with, it took me a while but I think I broke my last old lady. She knows I hang here, she reads the forum, I think if I was lieing to you, she’d chime in. People that read the forum I think know me. You’ve seen further inside my head then most people have. Basically I’m a quite person but it’s odd I can write it out better. I think my quitness is what scares people, they can see the gears turning and they know all hell is about to break loose. All I can really say is sit down, shut up, hold on tight, it’s going to be a wild ass ride.

Look, no lie, I am hurt by all this. You can’t keep a strong man down long, I will rise again. Somehow.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:45 pm

blebs wrote:Well had I not gotten sick and got my pilots license, I'd come pick you up and we'd both go down.

Getting sick sucks Donkey nads, doesn’t it?

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 6:38 pm

Debbie wrote:I have told Tobey in the past that I have always wanted to go to New Orleans. I have never been there. We have spoken about it on the phone.

You’re welcome here anytime you want. I will show you a good time to the best of my ability. I used to be able to show you places few have seen, hurricane Katrina and getting MS changed all that but part of me is coming back. The ride on the Harley is on hold though, Dusty dissapeared and I have no clue where he is. I don’t have a bike right now. Selling my bike was a BIG mistake.

Getting sick, getting married and hurricane Katrina made me loose contact with some people. There’s some I’d like to see, there’s some I’d like to put 9mm holes in they can’t breath through. Let’s hope the latter never happens, jail sucks.

Basically you are welcome into my world any time you want.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:27 pm

MissTynker2 wrote:More sadness in your life....but there is not a question one....that you shall prevail over this as well. I am so sorry for the discomfort...change as you know is one of the most difficult things in life. Have you ever considered writing the story of your life? David could be a wonderful consultant! This certainly is not the ending of your book...just the ending of a chapter...time to begin a new one!

Wishing you speedy healing

You know I’ve been asked to write my life story before. It would be a boring book, I’m just an average guy.

I was the third person who asked Geroge. He’s like me, some of his stories might piss-off somebody and get him killed. He said “no way”. He had Moulin Rouge, a barber shop at the end of Bourbon Street for 35 years. Plus he had polio and rode a bike with a sidecar. That’s a story. He has had me on the floor laughing at some of his stories. The sad part is he might be dead now as far as I know.

From one survivalist to another, Thank You