HEY ..come check this out !!!

MUSIC_FREAK · Post by **MUSIC_FREAK** » Sun Oct 21, 2001 2:58 am

Osama bin Laden was justifiably worried about his mortality, so he went to consult a psychic about the date of his death.
Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future, she found the answer for him.
"You will die," she said, "on an American holiday."
"Which one?" Osama bin Laden asks nervously.
"I don't know," replied the psychic, "but whatever day you die, that day will be an American holiday."

i think thats is the best of today !!

p.s. feel free to add your one !!!

YARDofSTUF · Post by **YARDofSTUF** » Sun Oct 21, 2001 3:10 am

how about:

when eating at a chinese resturaunt osoma bin laden opened a fortune cookie that read, "Smile, ur in my sights"

MUSIC_FREAK · Post by **MUSIC_FREAK** » Sun Oct 21, 2001 3:17 am

Originally posted by YARDofSTUF
how about:

when eating at a chinese resturaunt osoma bin laden opened a fortune cookie that read, "Smile, ur in my sights"

NOT BAD!!

but still ....... improvment is called !!

wait for the next one from me !!! in a sec.....

MUSIC_FREAK · Post by **MUSIC_FREAK** » Sun Oct 21, 2001 3:19 am

Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem.
I can't get it up for my wife anymore."
The Doctor looked at the man, and replied, "Mr. Thomas,
bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife.
"Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the Doctor requested.
"Now turn all the way around...Lie down please...Uh-huh, I see.
OK, you may put your clothes back on."
The doctor took the husband aside.
"You're in perfect health," he said.
"Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

so... ??? comments ???

MUSIC_FREAK · Post by **MUSIC_FREAK** » Sun Oct 21, 2001 3:27 am

thats if yu got kids !!
=================================
Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your child's
school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member,
please listen to all options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent, Press 1.

To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work, Press 2.

To complain about what we do, Press 3.

To cuss out staff members, Press 4.

To ask why you did not get needed information that was already enclosed
in your newsletter and several bulletins mailed to you, Press 5.

If you want us to raise your child, Press 6.

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone, Press 7.

To request another teacher for the third time this year, Press 8.

To complain about bus transportation, Press 9.

To complain about school lunches, Press 0.

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be
accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, classwork, homework,
and that it is not the teacher's fault for your child's lack of effort,
please hang up and have a nice day!!

MUSIC_FREAK · Post by **MUSIC_FREAK** » Sun Oct 21, 2001 3:30 am

thats a good noe ( if you'r not a woman ) !!

A blind man and his guide dog enter a Bar and find their way to a barstool.
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind
guy yells to the bartender "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke ?
"The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.
In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a
6' tall, 200lb blonde with a black belt in karate.
What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter.
The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler.
Think about it seriously, Mister.
You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

MUSIC_FREAK · Post by **MUSIC_FREAK** » Sun Oct 21, 2001 3:40 am

here it comes !!!!

The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months.
The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more.
"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late for work.
I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.'
On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."
The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"

MUSIC_FREAK · Post by **MUSIC_FREAK** » Sun Oct 21, 2001 3:42 am

A truck driver tried to edge his semi past the lady driver on the road
ahead of him as she was obviously having difficulty deciding which lane
she wanted to be in. Finally, her mind made up, the woman veered into
the truck driver's lane and jammed on her brakes, which resulted in a
slight collision.

Unhurt but obviously harried, the lady driver rushed over to the truck
driver and started to bawl him out, barking, "You knew I was going to do
something idiotic. Why didn't you stop to wait and see what it was?"

MUSIC_FREAK · Post by **MUSIC_FREAK** » Sun Oct 21, 2001 3:44 am

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for surgery.
The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness,
he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.
"Mr. Green, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand.
"We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here.
Are you covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.
"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."
"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun essayed.
"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered.
"But she's a humble spinster nun."
"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Green. Nuns are not
'spinsters.' They are married to God."
"Wonderful," said Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

MUSIC_FREAK · Post by **MUSIC_FREAK** » Sun Oct 21, 2001 3:45 am

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened upon a pile of fresh cow manure.
Due to the fact that it had been hours since he had her last meal, he flew down and began to eat.
She ate and ate.
Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away.
He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground.
As he looked around wondering what to do, she spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall.
He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that
once he got airborne, he would be able to take flight.
Unfortunately he was wrong and he dropped like a rock, and smashed when he hit the floor.
Dead!!!

NOW THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS .............
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Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of ****.

YARDofSTUF · Post by **YARDofSTUF** » Sun Oct 21, 2001 3:50 am

dude just edit one of ur posts and add teh rest in lol

MUSIC_FREAK · Post by **MUSIC_FREAK** » Sun Oct 21, 2001 4:38 am

Originally posted by YARDofSTUF
dude just edit one of ur posts and add teh rest in lol

well thats new refrashing way of doing things !!

mind you : it's an ideea i must consider...