A Few Groaners

[minir]

Two Newfies were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They turned around and went home.

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Two newfies were sitting on a bench talking, and one says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away. Florida or the moon?'

The other turns and says jezz bye that's easy. Can you see Florida ???

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A newfie pushes his BMW into a gas station.. he tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

The newfie says, 'What's the story?'

The mechanic replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'

The newf asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

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A police officer stops a newfie for speeding and asks him if he could see his license.

He replies in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.

Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

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A newfie goes into the doctor's office and said that his body hurt wherever he touched it.


'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'

The newfie took his finger, pushed on his left shoulder and screamed, then he pushed his elbow and screamed even more.
he pushed his knee and screamed; then he pushed his ankle and screamed. Everywhere he touched made him scream.


The doctor said, 'You're not from Ontario are you?


No he said, 'I'm actually from Newfoundland.'


'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

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A newfie was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.... It was his turn. He rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature.

His question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' he thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

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A guy was visiting his newfie friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked him what their names were.

The newfie replied that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

His friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'

Dats easy answered the newfie 'They're watch dogs'!

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A policeman pulls over a Newfie, in Ontario for speeding, while he’s writing out the ticket a fly was bothering the Cop, so the Newfie says."That’s a circle fly sir."

The policeman asks, "what’s a circle fly?"

Newfie says, "them are the flies you find in the barn around a horses ass.."

The policeman says, "you calling me a horses ass?"

"Oh no sir, I would never say a thing like that, but you can't fool them flies sir."


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minir

[ace]

Saw this today Minir and you were the first person I thought of. Hope you like it!!



An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides

[minir]

Saw this today Minir and you were the first person I thought of. Hope you like it!!



An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides

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Now that was painful ace.

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Thanks

Larry