How NOT to get laid...

axtrader · Post by **axtrader** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:19 pm

I drive a black car which is normally garage kept. However, I've learned that when the car is exposed to rain it's easiest let it stay outdoors and air dry, followed by a quick pass of the chamois to remove any water spots.

So, it's been raining all day here in the NYC area. My alleged girlfriend comes over this evening, and while standing at the living room window she notices that my car isn't garaged.

The conversation went something like this...

GF: "Why isn't your car in the garage?"

Ax: "Cuz it's easier to maintain and manage if it stays wet and I don't do anything about it...(5 Second Pause)...It's a lot like YOU in that way."

Naturally I chuckled at my own joke, but she didn't think it was very funny. She said nothing. Just got this sly mischievous look on her face and didn't say a word.

After dinner we're sitting on the sofa watching a movie and I begin to get her worked up. After about 15 minutes she gets up and tells me that she has to go home to prepare a presentation for work tomorrow. I knew about the presentation in advance but I was still puzzled because Tuesday night is usually "dinner and booty call" night. We'd eaten dinner and now it looked as though your's truly wasn't getting his pencil sharpened this evening.

I'm standing there with a totem pole in my pants as she's gathering her things and putting on her coat. The conversation went something like this....

Ax: "What?! No happy ending?"

GF: "Nope! I'm easier to maintain and manage when you get me wet and don't do anything about it!...(5 Second Pause)...Remember???????"

Then she chuckled as she walked out the door.

CableDude · Post by **CableDude** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:22 pm

Lefty · Post by **Lefty** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:22 pm

She must have also seen the pics of Prey in your wallet.

axtrader · Post by **axtrader** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:31 pm

Lefty wrote:She must have also seen the pics of Prey in your wallet.

Funny you should mention that.

A week or so ago I was scrolling thru pictures on my hard drive and she saw that picture of Prey wearing lingerie and sunglasses.....

GF:

"OMG! Is that a woman????"

Ax:

CableDude · Post by **CableDude** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:34 pm

Well, you still have Richelle Carey.

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:37 pm

A thread of all threads!!! This is the funniest thread I've read so far. Thanks Ax!

Lefty · Post by **Lefty** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:40 pm

CableDude · Post by **CableDude** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:43 pm

I think I know what pic ax is talking about.

Post by **YeOldeStonecat** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:43 pm

So....what you're trying to say, is you had to make a few rapid passes at yourself with your chamois cloth?

axtrader · Post by **axtrader** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:46 pm

YeOldeStonecat wrote:So....what you're trying to say, is you had to make a few rapid passes at yourself with your chamois cloth?

Hmmmmm, now THERE'S a thought!

Post by **YeOldeStonecat** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:47 pm

axtrader wrote:

Hmmmmm, now THERE'S a thought!

They call you "Bruce Lee...fist of fury!"

axtrader · Post by **axtrader** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:49 pm

Debbie wrote:A thread of all threads!!! This is the funniest thread I've read so far. Thanks Ax!

You're welcome.

So ummmmm Deb........since I'm here alone why don't you drop by and return the favor? Tickle MY funnybone, so to speak.

axtrader · Post by **axtrader** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:57 pm

CableDude wrote:I think I know what pic ax is talking about.

Here's the pic...

What sucked was I could explain WHO it was, and sorta explain WHAT it was. But I couldn't explain WHY I had that pic on my hard drive. No matter what I came up with she just shook her head in disgust with that "WTF" look on her face.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 9:36 pm

So we got a big black man with a big black car and a big black boner. Brother, you got f**ked and didn’t even get your dick wet.

Jamie_R · Post by **Jamie_R** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 5:50 am

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 8:57 am

axtrader wrote:You're welcome.

So ummmmm Deb........since I'm here alone why don't you drop by and return the favor? Tickle MY funnybone, so to speak.

Haaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!!!

Roody · Post by **Roody** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 10:04 am

She does wonders with sausages Ax.

Kip Patterson · Post by **Kip Patterson** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 10:08 am

Yep - she slices and dices so fast they call her "Mrs. Popeil".

Gixxer · Post by **Gixxer** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 10:09 am

or look like sammy

Pettos · Post by **Pettos** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 10:27 am

HAhahahahaha, overall, you got so OWNED!

CLICK ME!

Now isn't that the most RANDOM website you've seen?

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 11:23 am

Roody wrote:She does wonders with sausages Ax.

axtrader · Post by **axtrader** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 12:18 pm

Roody wrote:She does wonders with sausages Ax.

ics:

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 12:45 pm

axtrader wrote: ics:

Roody · Post by **Roody** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 1:12 pm

axtrader wrote: ics:

You haven't seen it yet? There is a pic of her out there with a giant wiener in her hand and it ain't mine.

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 3:11 pm

Roody wrote:You haven't seen it yet? There is a pic of her out there with a giant wiener in her hand and it ain't mine.

post the hot dog pic Roody.

Roody · Post by **Roody** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 3:23 pm

Can't find it.

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 3:26 pm

Roody wrote:Can't find it.

this one?

blebs · Post by **blebs** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 4:39 pm

Pffft just move in to my house and see if you ever get laid.

Mrs RoundEye · Post by **Mrs RoundEye** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 4:56 pm

blebs99 wrote:Pffft just move in to my house and see if you ever get laid.

That's because your wife says it's time to trade you in for two 20's and some change...

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How NOT to get laid...

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