Driving Rules...
Posted: Thu May 10, 2001 9:29 pm
1. Turn signals will give away your next move.
A real driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave
a safe distance between you and the car
in front of you, or the space will be filled
in by somebody else putting you in an
even more dangerous situation.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane
change is considered going with the flow.
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the
smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a
stop sign. No one expects it and it will
inevitably result in you being rear ended.
6. A right lane construction closure is just a
game to see how many people can cut
in line by passing you on the right as
you sit in the left lane waiting for the
same jerks to squeeze their way back
in before hitting the orange and white
barricades.
7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as
possible to ensure that your ABS kicks
in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage
as the brake pedal pulsates. For those
of you without ABS, it's a chance to
stretch your legs.
8. Never pass on the left when you can pass
on the right. It's a good way to scare
people entering the highway.
9. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given
only as suggestions.
10 . Always slow down and rubberneck when
you see an accident or even someone
changing a tire.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Potholes are put
in key locations to test driver's reflexes and
keep them on their toes.....
12. Always honk your horn
at cars that don't move the instant the
light changes.
13. Remember that the goal of every
driver is to get there first, by whatever
means necessary.
14. Women drivers can put on
pantyhose and apply eye makeup at
seventy-five miles per hour in bumper
to-bumper traffic.
15. Flipping someone the
bird is considered a salute.
This gesture should always be returned.
A real driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave
a safe distance between you and the car
in front of you, or the space will be filled
in by somebody else putting you in an
even more dangerous situation.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane
change is considered going with the flow.
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the
smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a
stop sign. No one expects it and it will
inevitably result in you being rear ended.
6. A right lane construction closure is just a
game to see how many people can cut
in line by passing you on the right as
you sit in the left lane waiting for the
same jerks to squeeze their way back
in before hitting the orange and white
barricades.
7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as
possible to ensure that your ABS kicks
in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage
as the brake pedal pulsates. For those
of you without ABS, it's a chance to
stretch your legs.
8. Never pass on the left when you can pass
on the right. It's a good way to scare
people entering the highway.
9. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given
only as suggestions.
10 . Always slow down and rubberneck when
you see an accident or even someone
changing a tire.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Potholes are put
in key locations to test driver's reflexes and
keep them on their toes.....
12. Always honk your horn
at cars that don't move the instant the
light changes.
13. Remember that the goal of every
driver is to get there first, by whatever
means necessary.
14. Women drivers can put on
pantyhose and apply eye makeup at
seventy-five miles per hour in bumper
to-bumper traffic.
15. Flipping someone the
bird is considered a salute.
This gesture should always be returned.