Saturdays Giggles
Posted: Sat Apr 27, 2002 5:17 am
Hope your having a Good One
========================
A Blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with,
"Where were you the night of August 24th?"
"Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!"
"Oh, that's okay," said the Blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question."
"I object!" the defense said again.
"No, really," said the Blonde, "I'll answer."
The Judge ruled, "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."
So the prosecutor repeated the question:
"Where were you the night of August 24th?"
The Blonde replied brightly,
"I don't know."
------
If at first you don't succeed, Skydiving is not for you.
--------
My cousin, pregnant with her second child, was
certain she wanted an epidural for pain management
during childbirth.
Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered.
Her response: "Just meet me in the parking lot!"
-------
A Sailor, while bringing flowers to a Cemetery, noticed
an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby
grave.
The Sailor walked up to the man and asked,
"When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?"
The old Chinese man replied with a smile,
"Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers."
--------
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
-------
A man entered a Stationery Store and asked the clerk for a 'birthday/anniversary card.'
The clerk replied, 'We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards.
Why not take one of each?'
The man said, 'You don't understand.
I need a card that covers both events.
You see, we're celebrating the fifth anniversary of my
wife's thirty-fourth birthday.'
--------
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
-------
A little girl came running in the house and said,
Mommy,
I met the most wonderful man this morning. It was the
Garbage Man, and he was carrying a big bag over his head, and it broke and went all over him.
And, you know,Mommy, he just stood there and talked to his mother, his son, and God."
-------
The following are a few samples of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Drive like minamoto.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
------
Be careful out there
regards
minir
========================
A Blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with,
"Where were you the night of August 24th?"
"Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!"
"Oh, that's okay," said the Blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question."
"I object!" the defense said again.
"No, really," said the Blonde, "I'll answer."
The Judge ruled, "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."
So the prosecutor repeated the question:
"Where were you the night of August 24th?"
The Blonde replied brightly,
"I don't know."
------
If at first you don't succeed, Skydiving is not for you.
--------
My cousin, pregnant with her second child, was
certain she wanted an epidural for pain management
during childbirth.
Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered.
Her response: "Just meet me in the parking lot!"
-------
A Sailor, while bringing flowers to a Cemetery, noticed
an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby
grave.
The Sailor walked up to the man and asked,
"When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?"
The old Chinese man replied with a smile,
"Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers."
--------
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
-------
A man entered a Stationery Store and asked the clerk for a 'birthday/anniversary card.'
The clerk replied, 'We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards.
Why not take one of each?'
The man said, 'You don't understand.
I need a card that covers both events.
You see, we're celebrating the fifth anniversary of my
wife's thirty-fourth birthday.'
--------
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
-------
A little girl came running in the house and said,
Mommy,
I met the most wonderful man this morning. It was the
Garbage Man, and he was carrying a big bag over his head, and it broke and went all over him.
And, you know,Mommy, he just stood there and talked to his mother, his son, and God."
-------
The following are a few samples of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Drive like minamoto.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
------
Be careful out there
regards
minir
I really hope they finish Vancouver off tonight because I can't stand game sevens. Hopefully the Leafs can finish the Islanders off tomorrow...