You cant fix stupid

[blacklab]

Actual ' call center ' calls . . . . .

Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'
Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'
Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'
Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'
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Samsung Electronics

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I
need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack
before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to
change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is
correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland '
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone
box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'
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Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer: 'OK.'
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'

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Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see
the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'
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Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need
it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'

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This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy
should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the
WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the
customer care depart

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I
know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the
power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into
the wall...
Caller: 'Yes, it is..'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back
of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No..'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and
packing stuff that your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just
like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the
store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!'

[akbarri]

[jaydeee]

LOL right click!
hehehe

[OSULLY]

lol

[RoundEye]

...you're too stupid to own a computer...

I’ve had to bite my tongue many times in the past. I’ve felt like telling that to some people.

Example: I asked a guy if he tried rebooting the computer to solve a problem, he said he didn’t know how. I’m thinking WTF?!?!?

He had been working for that company, sitting at that desk for five years. He’s never turned off the PC in all that time.

[RoundEye]

Here’s an article from Snopes about the Wordperfect story. I’m sure we all have fantasized about telling people that but it’s not true. The story has been around for a long time.

http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperfect.asp

If you want to read some funny fictional “luser” stories, read some of Bastard Operator From Hell. This guy has been around PC’s and networks so long I bet he has dinosaur s**t on his shoes. Some of his stories are absolutely hilarious. Operator = Administrator in England.

[RoundEye]

Here’s some of my more favorite ones. He convinces somebody to remove the “power filter” (power supply) from his laptop.

… Hello? Is this the helpdesk?"
"Yes it is," I answer, all sweet, fluffy loveliness.
"Can you tell me the number for the modem pool?"
"I sure can!" I gush, then give the number for a fax machine on the fourth floor, which should keep them confused for a couple of weeks.
I hang up and have barely dropped off to sleep when the phone rings again.
"My laptop seems to be running quite slowly. Can you help?"
"Of course I can. Now don't tell me, you're still using the power filter unit aren't you?"
*DUMMY MODE ON*
"The power filter unit?"
"Yes, the one that filters the power coming into your machine. It should be a black box about three inches by two inches square."
"Oh... yes, I see it."
"Okay, you want to remove that and put the non-filtered cable onto it."
"The non-filtered cable?"
"Yes, it would have come in the box with the machine. It's probably still there."
"But I threw the box out!"
"Hmm. Well, I can order you one, but in the meantime do you have a spare power cable?"
"Uuuummmmm..."
"Well, just borrow one from someone else's machine - then it's their problem."
"Yeah, hee hee..."
What a plonker.
"OK, switch the filter off, then chop the cable off halfway between the filter and your machine. Then strip back the wires and poke them into the two holes in the sides of the socket of the new power cable ..."
"OK, done that."
"And plug her in."
"OK, thanks."
He hangs up and I wait for lift-off. About 10 seconds later the fire alarm goes off, which I take to be an encouraging sign ...