a letter from a wounded heart

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:09 am

RoundEye wrote:You’re welcome here anytime you want. I will show you a good time to the best of my ability. I used to be able to show you places few have seen, hurricane Katrina and getting MS changed all that but part of me is coming back. The ride on the Harley is on hold though, Dusty dissapeared and I have no clue where he is. I don’t have a bike right now. Selling my bike was a BIG mistake.

Getting sick, getting married and hurricane Katrina made me loose contact with some people. There’s some I’d like to see, there’s some I’d like to put 9mm holes in they can’t breath through. Let’s hope the latter never happens, jail sucks.

Basically you are welcome into my world any time you want.

I want to take some time off in the spring. We can talk about it between now and then.

Roody · Post by **Roody** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:25 am

RoundEye wrote:No, we have the start of a good friendship. Go home, passionently hug your wife, tell her you love her. I bet you learn what romance is then. I am a passionate hard ass to live with, it took me a while but I think I broke my last old lady. She knows I hang here, she reads the forum, I think if I was lieing to you, she’d chime in. People that read the forum I think know me. You’ve seen further inside my head then most people have. Basically I’m a quite person but it’s odd I can write it out better. I think my quitness is what scares people, they can see the gears turning and they know all hell is about to break loose. All I can really say is sit down, shut up, hold on tight, it’s going to be a wild ass ride.

Look, no lie, I am hurt by all this. You can’t keep a strong man down long, I will rise again. Somehow.

I know man. Just looking to make someone laugh is all.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 10:42 am

Here’s the odd part, she still comes by the house and does mionor stuff for me.
I haven’t had an open and honest talk with her about it yet. Do you think she is gulity because I’m in such bad shape or she still in love with me?

I know I’ll be kicking myself in the ass with both feet one day but I really don’t want her back. Even crippled up as I am, I know I can do better. getting a little adult rude here, I’m almost 6 foot three (lost a lot of weight since I’ve been sick) big hands, big feet, big features, and hung like a Rhino. (I have honetky been told I’m too big) A tounge that works fine and God gave me ten long fingers. Honestly I’ve had enough experience with women to know how to bend their head sideways on the headoard andmake them cry out for their savior. Hell, I lived with four now and had umpteen girlfriends. Is that what she misses? I now she reads this thread now and then, it may air some dirty laundy I wish for others not to know but I wish she’d answer me.

I’ll air some out right now, I need the little blue pill to make my pecker wood up. They tell you on the commercial it may cause a delayed back ache and a hard-on for 4 hours. Hey man, if I had a four hour hard-on you can bet your ass my back is going to hurt. I don’t know about other places but that Viagra is ten dollars a pill here. One way or another you will pay for that nookie. I think that is really what she misses, the licking and long dicking. I might not have much left but with some parts with assitance that works fine. Just fine.

This may call her out, I think she screwed around with an old frind of mine, She wants a real man now, we haven’t had sex for a long, long time. Michelle are you reading and listening? You know I can’t talk but I can write like hell, come on, bring it on. I miss Jay running around. I may bitch about it some, but sometimes I think he may break through the floor. ( I live in a raised house, over three feet I think now) Man f**k hurricane Katrina and insurrance companies. Need to know more? Just ask, I’ll give you an earfull about it all.

Bewteen that last paragraph and this one my mom came over, she said she thinks Michelle wants back in. Right now that won’t happen, Michelle if that is true just be open and honest with me and we’ll see where it goes. Look, I had to stand up to Bootsy when I took you from him, I couldn’t help it, he thretened to stab me. That dog don’t hunt. When I love somebody I will fight to death for them. When I was healthyer you seen me try to beat the absoulute crap out of three people at different times. You know I’m a scrapper and you backed me into a shallow corner. I can’t hit you, but I can make your life misable from right where I sit. All I ask is for you to be open and honest. I promise I won’t poke 9mm holes in “T” he can’t breath through. As long as he stays away from me.

Do I need tro write a book? I honestly miss you and Jay around the house at night. Look I have found out that king size bed gets really cold by yourself at night. I”ll take no answer as a “NO’, then I’ll have to find somebody else to warm the bed up but I Want it to be you.

…. and you now for a fact I can heat things up on a frezzing night.

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 10:52 am

:::wipes the beads of sweat from her face::::

Hey Tobey, do you keep a journal on your computer? Writing is a great outlet for you.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 10:53 am

Debbie wrote:I want to take some time off in the spring. We can talk about it between now and then.

That’s cool, it’ll give me time to sort my head, and this new medician they have me on is already making me walk A LOT better.

blebs · Post by **blebs** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:00 am

RoundEye wrote:Getting sick sucks Donkey nads, doesn’t it?

You won't hear me disagree. My wifes family thinks I should be able to do anything, at will, they don't get it. My oldest son is getting married this Saturday and I about killed myself shopping for clothes. The intention was to get a suit. Well that's all fine and dandy until it came down to the shirt. Due to Congestive Heart Failure and all the drugs I'm on, I'm bloated and my neck is 20" round. Ever seen a shirt for a 20" neck? It's a friggin king size tent. The guy at the Tux shop told me, sure we can alter it some, but it's never going to look right, you need to have yours made special just for you. So, scrap the suit idea. Lyns family expects it! They're going to be really upset and disappointed, because I got a crew neck sweater, dress black pants and black shoes. If they don't like it, f*** em.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:01 am

Debbie wrote::::wipes the beads of sweat from her face::::

Hey Tobey, do you keep a journal on your computer? Writing is a great outlet for you.

I did but my raid card went bad. I’ve lost everything I have ever written.

Wipe the beads faster, do you know how erotic rhat is?

MadDoctor · Post by **MadDoctor** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:02 am

RoundEye wrote:Getting sick sucks Donkey nads, doesn’t it?

Wait...... Donky nads?????? Pics?

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:10 am

RoundEye wrote: I did but my raid card went bad. I’ve lost everything I have ever written.

Send me your address and I will ship off some cd's for you to burn the files on.

RoundEye wrote:Wipe the beads faster, do you know how erotic rhat is?

Easto · Post by **Easto** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 1:00 pm

I hope you're able to get past all this and resume a life you're happy with. It's not easy when things just seem to be piling on, but things do eventually get better.

Good luck.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 1:44 pm

blebs wrote:You won't hear me disagree. My wifes family thinks I should be able to do anything, at will, they don't get it. My oldest son is getting married this Saturday and I about killed myself shopping for clothes. The intention was to get a suit. Well that's all fine and dandy until it came down to the shirt. Due to Congestive Heart Failure and all the drugs I'm on, I'm bloated and my neck is 20" round. Ever seen a shirt for a 20" neck? It's a friggin king size tent. The guy at the Tux shop told me, sure we can alter it some, but it's never going to look right, you need to have yours made special just for you. So, scrap the suit idea. Lyns family expects it! They're going to be really upset and disappointed, because I got a crew neck sweater, dress black pants and black shoes. If they don't like it, f*** em.

I know how you feel. We had an adults only wedding, I have been told that it was the best wedding they ever been too many times since. My cousin was supposed to stand and he is a really big boy. He blew a rag about me not letting him bring my other little cousin and backed out. It was not someplace for a little girl. It kind of was a biker wedding. I didn’t think they would do it but I had people threatening to show up wearing nothing but a tie. Nothing but their manhood and a tie swinging in the breeze. If that did happen that little girl would’ve flipped. Me too. Anyway I had to pay for the monster sized alterations and the suit was never worn. I didn’t talk to him until recently, almost ten years.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 2:02 pm

MadDoctor wrote:Wait...... Donky nads?????? Pics?

Your wish is my command.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 2:06 pm

Debbie wrote:Send me your address and I will ship off some cd's for you to burn the files on.

What files?

I'll give you my address no problem. I want to know what you're shipping.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 2:11 pm

Easto wrote:I hope you're able to get past all this and resume a life you're happy with. It's not easy when things just seem to be piling on, but things do eventually get better.

Good luck.

In the past I have lost my health, marrige, a good frinde, and a major part of my family. The only thing keeping me going is my hopes and dreams.

Thanks

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 2:22 pm

I’m trying my best not to get mad but I am HOSTILE. I just found out Michelle is living across the lake with Trey. I was married and still am to her for almost 12 years, I was friends with Trey almost 20 years. Nothing is happening, yeah right, my hairy white ass. I will find out where he lives. My next post may be from prison.

MadDoctor · Post by **MadDoctor** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 3:11 pm

Thanks for the pic of the nads.

Now... before you react to a situation, take the time to think about it as well. 24 hours would be fine. Letting your emotions take control might seem like a good idea (and perhaps it is) but you should give the person we have come to love and know on SpeedGuide have a say in what happens next as well.

We are a sounding board. We are your friends. You are talking to us right now. Listen to us (even if you don't necessary want to) because you might respect and even care for some of us who care the same about you.

Just sit down. Look at your computer and know that you have thousands of eyes looking at you and sitting with you.

Don't take that away from us. Don't let a valid knee jerk reaction speak for you. In this, they win, you loose. Don't loose. Lets chat a bit.

MD

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 4:05 pm

RoundEye wrote:I’m trying my best not to get mad but I am HOSTILE. I just found out Michelle is living across the lake with Trey. I was married and still am to her for almost 12 years, I was friends with Trey almost 20 years. Nothing is happening, yeah right, my hairy white ass. I will find out where he lives. My next post may be from prison.

I hope you did not walk away from your computer to go over there. Never do anything from a place of emotion. Please respond.

blebs · Post by **blebs** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 4:14 pm

Feeling betrayed is a hard emotion to deal with. I know it nags at you until you get satisfaction, but in the end, is it really worth doing anything about? We all care about you and you know it. Don't do anything really crazy until you've thought it through very very carefully and even then, try not to listen to the voice that says "Act".

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 5:12 pm

Adult language and content

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKUX8qaGfWs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxxTr7HcQ4M

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWsLeuZk7zk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVMvART9kb8&ob=av2e

Ken · Post by **Ken** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 5:35 pm

I am sorry to hear of this, Tobey. Timing is everything with anything... If you need to talk, give me a shout... (Let me know if you don't have number...)

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:53 pm

No number, no talkie right now. I feel as if I been to hell and back. As a matter of fact I have.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:34 pm

Roody wrote:I know man. Just looking to make someone laugh is all.

It’s all cool,

blebs · Post by **blebs** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:52 pm

RoundEye wrote:No number, no talkie right now. I feel as if I been to hell and back. As a matter of fact I have.

I was going to call you. Figure I best leave you alone for now. You might be the hard ass, I might be the wimp, but at one time or another, we've chewed the same dirt. I figure you need to work it through as best you can, by yourself. You've never, as far as I've known you, asked for anyones help. If it was given, it was voluntarily on everyone else's part. Just hope you realize that your not alone, even if it feels like it.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 1:57 am

Thanks man, this thread has been an exercise in me learning how to share my feelings. That is something I need much practice on. I’m an only child, a solitary person, a grab the bull by the balls take charge kind of person. I knew I was the only person I had to rely on. In fact, my parents and I did not start to get closer until I got sick. Dude I am 45 years old and I have never touched or hugged my dad to this day. All things being said, I have absolute faith in myself to be able pull through this.

I may have fallen into a bucket of swirling s**t but somehow I have to come out smelling like a rose. It’s just going to take me awhile to figure out how.

My early, overzelous prediction is I bet I have a new woman by this time next year. If not, then oh well.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 4:20 pm

Michelle was just here picking up some more of her stuff during her lunch break. It was hard as hell watching her walk out the front door knowing she won’t be back.

I have to keep reminding myself that it’s for the best.

I made her promise me if Trey puts his hands on her or Jay, that she will tell me. Lord help his stupid ass if he does. For Jay’s sake we’re trying hard to keep things cordial. There’s no reason in hell to make a six year old grow up any faster than he has too. Sometimes things do get a little emotional and heated though.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:13 pm

A quick question, she wants me to give her $500 a month support for Jay. Isn’t that a little high? I only get around $1500 a month from SS. I don’t want to cheat the kid but I have to live on a very limited income myself.

YARDofSTUF · Post by **YARDofSTUF** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:30 pm

RoundEye wrote:A quick question, she wants me to give her $500 a month support for Jay. Isn’t that a little high? I only get around $1500 a month from SS. I don’t want to cheat the kid but I have to live on a very limited income myself.

Questions like that are what divorce lawyers are for.

MadDoctor · Post by **MadDoctor** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 7:36 pm

RoundEye wrote:A quick question, she wants me to give her $500 a month support for Jay. Isn’t that a little high? I only get around $1500 a month from SS. I don’t want to cheat the kid but I have to live on a very limited income myself.

YOS is correct. However, if you two are still talking to each other, you can tell her that $500 is too much at this time considering what is going on. Be nice and say $250/ month until the sun starts to shine on you. If she agrees (based on mutual respect of each other regardless of all the crap going on) then you just crossed a bridge too far. Lawyers are used to push points that you cannot agree to. Ask first and if the answer is no, then give her your lawyers phone number. Lawyers might be scum bags but they do have a place in our society. Try to work it out with her first before going to the lawyer.

MD

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 7:45 pm

Yeah, I’m going to have to get one soon. I was hopeing we could keep things civil but I have this feeling things are going to get more ugly as time goes by.

She was just here after work to pick up some more things of hers. I had to ask her to stop crying when she comes over. I never did like to see her cry, it’s depressing in a major way. Just face the fact that its over between us. Save us both the heartache.

MadDoctor · Post by **MadDoctor** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 7:48 pm

RoundEye wrote:I had to ask her to stop crying when she comes over.

Ouch!!!!!!

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 7:59 pm

MadDoctor wrote:YOS is correct. However, if you two are still talking to each other, you can tell her that $500 is too much at this time considering what is going on. Be nice and say $250/ month until the sun starts to shine on you. If she agrees (based on mutual respect of each other regardless of all the crap going on) then you just crossed a bridge too far. Lawyers are used to push points that you cannot agree to. Ask first and if the answer is no, then give her your lawyers phone number. Lawyers might be scum bags but they do have a place in our society. Try to work it out with her first before going to the lawyer.

MD

They added $500 to my SS for support of him, since the money is “his” she wants it all. I offered $400 and I keep a hundred so I could do things with him when he comes over. That was not good enough for her, she wants it all. She did offer to give me some cash when he comes over though.

I think this is going to be a way ugly experience before its all over.

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 8:35 am

RoundEye wrote:They added $500 to my SS for support of him, since the money is “his” she wants it all. I offered $400 and I keep a hundred so I could do things with him when he comes over. That was not good enough for her, she wants it all. She did offer to give me some cash when he comes over though.

I think this is going to be a way ugly experience before its all over.

You are on Social Security and she wants $500 a month?

You can get a lawyer for sure.

I'll keep you in my prayers Tobey. I am praying for the perfect outcome for all involved.

Gixxer · Post by **Gixxer** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:17 am

Tobey, First off let me say I am sorry to hear of this.

The next thing I want to say is that I have read a lot of your posts and we are a lot alike in many ways.

With what I have read in this thread I have to tell you that the coming months are going to be VERY difficult (understatement). Don't waste time on either of them ***at this point***. You will need all of your strength for you first and foremost and then your son. I say you first because if you are not good he will not be good. I know from experience.

Getting re-established on your own will take some time. It will not go smoothly, it will not be quick and some days you will not even get out of bed. The more you focus on you though the quicker the transition.

There is a time and place for everything and Her and Him, if wrongdoing was involved, will get theirs. Be it by "Karma" or other means. If their was infidelity, which is not illegal, but it is very immoral, their time will come. I don't know about you, but I don't like to let "Karma" do my dirty work. Plus there is the satisfaction factor you have to figure in as well.

The sooner you get back to you, the "hard" you let her take from you, the better off you will be. Plus it will help in any situation down the road should you take that route. I am not suggesting you do that, but you will do what you want/have to do. I know when the time is right, I surely will.

All in all, take your nuts out of the jar she stored them in for far too long, lace your boots REAL tight, because if you are where I think you are and where I believe you are headed with this...hell is coming. It will get worse. Unbearable at times. The demons are coming for you Tobey and at night in the deafening silence in your king sized bed is when they are the worse.

So **** them, and start concentrating on you and use whats left for the boy because that is the best self preservation thing you can do for yourself and your son right now.

Then............there is tomorrow. Your tomorrow. Do whatever you want and with whomever you want to do it with. You will never be over her because time does not heal everything. It just puts some things in the past. You get to do things now that you, before, was only able to imagine "what if" (as in what if I was not married to her, what if i had more time).

Now is your chance to make your life exactly how you want it....with impunity! Now is your chance to burn her "honey do list" and pull your list out of a box somewhere and blow off the dust and get to work/fun!

It is %100 your life now. What are you going to do with it?

Take care

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:55 am

Gixxer wrote:Tobey, First off let me say I am sorry to hear of this.

The next thing I want to say is that I have read a lot of your posts and we are a lot alike in many ways.

With what I have read in this thread I have to tell you that the coming months are going to be VERY difficult (understatement). Don't waste time on either of them ***at this point***. You will need all of your strength for you first and foremost and then your son. I say you first because if you are not good he will not be good. I know from experience.

Getting re-established on your own will take some time. It will not go smoothly, it will not be quick and some days you will not even get out of bed. The more you focus on you though the quicker the transition.

There is a time and place for everything and Her and Him, if wrongdoing was involved, will get theirs. Be it by "Karma" or other means. If their was infidelity, which is not illegal, but it is very immoral, their time will come. I don't know about you, but I don't like to let "Karma" do my dirty work. Plus there is the satisfaction factor you have to figure in as well.

The sooner you get back to you, the "hard" you let her take from you, the better off you will be. Plus it will help in any situation down the road should you take that route. I am not suggesting you do that, but you will do what you want/have to do. I know when the time is right, I surely will.

All in all, take your nuts out of the jar she stored them in for far too long, lace your boots REAL tight, because if you are where I think you are and where I believe you are headed with this...hell is coming. It will get worse. Unbearable at times. The demons are coming for you Tobey and at night in the deafening silence in your king sized bed is when they are the worse.

So **** them, and start concentrating on you and use whats left for the boy because that is the best self preservation thing you can do for yourself and your son right now.

Then............there is tomorrow. Your tomorrow. Do whatever you want and with whomever you want to do it with. You will never be over her because time does not heal everything. It just puts some things in the past. You get to do things now that you, before, was only able to imagine "what if" (as in what if I was not married to her, what if i had more time).

Now is your chance to make your life exactly how you want it....with impunity! Now is your chance to burn her "honey do list" and pull your list out of a box somewhere and blow off the dust and get to work/fun!

It is %100 your life now. What are you going to do with it?

Take care

Well said, thanks

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:56 am

Debbie wrote:You are on Social Security and she wants $500 a month?

You can get a lawyer for sure.

I'll keep you in my prayers Tobey. I am praying for the perfect outcome for all involved.

Yeah because that’s supposedly “his” money. I was given some extra disabilty because I had a child. I keep trying to remind her that the money would have not been alotted for him if I wasn’t disabled. I offered her $400 but she declined it, she wants all $500. So to piss her off I asked for the wedding ring back, she said no way that was a gift I don’t have to give it back. I said no it was a marrige contract, you voided the contract when you got a lawyer and filed for divorce. That ring is worth a small fortune, it’s a few carrots and I had it custom made for her. I could probably trade it for a new gun at the pawn shop. I can see I need to get a lawyer soon, things are getting ugly quick, fast and in a hurry. She won’t admit to having anything going on with Trey while we still lived together, probably due to legal reasons, but she moved in with that dude, rent free, the next day after we broke up. Suposedly he’s just helping her out, out of the kindness of his heart. I’ve known him for about 20 years, I don’t think he’s just being kind. I’m even starting to get vindictive and that’s not in my nature.

I’m far from the perfect man but I don’t deserve to be crapped on.

blebs · Post by **blebs** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 10:35 am

You aren't going to want to hear this, but whoever has custody of the child gets the full amount of Social Security due to them on your work record. You still keep yours, but you won't get your sons if she has custody.

I just went through the same B.S. with my son that had his ankle crushed in an head on with a drunk back in 2006.

Paft · Post by **Paft** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 11:20 am

Honestly? If you can find a way to prove infidelity, do it, and then (either way) sue for full custody of your son without visitation. You won't get it, but it's a much better start point than "meeting in the middle" or crap like that.

Michelle has shown her true colors. Now you need to protect your own ass before she tries to take it all.

YARDofSTUF · Post by **YARDofSTUF** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 11:41 am

Another bit of advice, stop talking about it on here, its public, it would be best to keep stuff between you and your lawyer and the meetings you have with her and hers until its over.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:28 pm

Yeah I may have to be a little more discrete about some things. I know she lurks around the board. She was telling me the other day about a post I made wasn’t too fair to her. Where ever she is, she has the ability to log on and put my ass in check if I’m that far off.

MadDoctor · Post by **MadDoctor** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:39 pm

YARDofSTUF wrote:Another bit of advice, stop talking about it on here, its public, it would be best to keep stuff between you and your lawyer and the meetings you have with her and hers until its over.

Very true.

There are social groups here on SG that belong to individuals. Who can be in that group is up to the owner. People that belong to the social group called "The disciples of Mad Doctor" have to obtain my permission to join. Once in (with your permission) you can be more open to what hurts and ask questions.

Start a social group (talk to Ken or Philip about it) and continue to vent and ask for ideas. It's good and cleansing to talk about this stuff. It lightens the load by sharing with others.

MD